Hello, My Curious Visitor!
My daughter and I were talking about the way women bear Sexist Labels and the way these labels affect women and girls and boys.
For example...
Men are called Mr.. But, women have to be defined by labels such as Miss - she belongs to her father, or she's not mature, or she's not married ("as she should be"). And how about Mrs.? She belongs to her husband. She customarily takes his name unless she hyphenates them. Then there's Ms.. This was supposed to set men and women on an equal plane but it was attacked by sexist thinkers and given such connotations as Radical, Feminist, Divorced, Spinster.
We also discussed how these labels go hand in hand with sexist behaviors.
For example...
Most men have a secretive behavior carried on only by men. A view or attitude that women are for their needs and purposes, that they should be excluded from the secret society men share, they are a nuisance that men generally have to contend with, and have fewer choices.
Let's break these down a bit...
~Secretive behavior carried on by men- Yes, some fathers condition their sons in early childhood to look at women's bodies and use derogatory words or statements like, (pardon the explicit terminology) "that bitch has a great ass" -right to their six year old son, but never in front of a female other that the one being targeted. This type of looking, "dog calling", body language and so forth builds a barrier between the son and his mother (and/or sisters). From the son's stand point, father has betrayed natural loyalty to mom. He now bears guilty and insecure feelings because he is a witness of the degradation of women (one of whom he loves) and is bound by "the secrecy" or else...or else nothing...he is too young to stand up to the challenge...a challenge he's too young to discern what is going on between himself and who he will become as a "man". It's an iron clad social structure that is inescapable in all but rare cases. It's the same secretive power trip that is carried on by molesters over their victims, psychologically. Violation/victimization=fear, secrecy=power, guilt=surrender and severing of all bonds except to the one holding the power. Not enough said but lets move on...
~A view that women are for their (men's) needs and purposes- Many married women will argue to the death against some of these points because they have so much invested. Let's for the sake of peace just keep in mind that we are discussing "sexist behaviors" and not every woman's husband.
What condition of thinking would a male have to be in at the moment he stares at a woman for the purpose of making her know that he thinks she's sexy or beautiful or even ugly? What is his perception of him self (if any at all) when he thinks he must convey his thoughts to her? Does he disregard or even skip the process of thinking to himself whether or not she wants his "informative" stare or whether its his place to inform her in such an audacious manner of what he thinks of her. Does he even subconsciously ask himself "Is my opinion worth anything at all to anyone other than myself (most people want to keep their stupid thoughts to themselves but not this guy)? Why do I feel I am entitled or elected to be the informer? Is everyone with me on this?" He assumes too much.
Notice all the words in BOLD print above. These concepts are distorted in his judgment.
Ok...
Here's an example on the lower end of the scale...married women brace yourselves...
What condition of thinking would a male be in when he asks his wife "What's for dinner?" Has he been just a tiny bit presumptuous by choosing not to position his mind in a more equal position to hers by not assuming that she has certainly had time to cook his dinner, that nothing went array in her schedule to prevent her from being on time with his dinner? Hmmm...his dinner? He presumes that getting home from work is like...showing up for work as "the boss". Could/should he have assumed an equal position to her and said "What's left that I can do to get dinner ready?"
I can go on and on about this with far too many examples, so lets take a look at the next one...
~ They (women) should be excluded from the secret society men share- Its a fact. Men and not women indulge themselves in this "secret society", a behavior they try to keep women out of. Elks Clubs (not to single them out because there are so many examples but I watched a lot of Flinstones when I was a kid- hey, there's another example) are just one of many men's organized societies excluding women(YMCA "the early years"). Women weren't allowed to have such things until the Women's Revolution. And with all applicable labels imposed, women's organizations supposedly "distract them from their duties" or "are for ulterior motives" ("like gambling") or "will increase their rebellious attitude". Men "don't succumb" to these degrading qualities when they do the very same things. "Women 'spoil' the purpose of these 'social male only organizations' " is the opinion of male members. Women have long received ridicule for fighting for and exercising their right to participate in ("male") sports. They were labeled "butches" among other things. Where does this prejudice originate from? Yes, yes, patriarchal thinking, yes. The answer is men, better yet, the forefathers of their "male directed secret society movement" and all their male followers and female supporters (whether they realize it or not). This society, our society, empowers it's male members with extra privileges that women aren't granted. And they're attitude toward women is "You should do the same for yourself, but since you never do, you must need, want and enjoy my control and domination". Yet, when women try, they are over powered by the very society these men are imposing, because men, these many men, will escalate their efforts to intimidate women into submitting whenever women try to own their own power. Kind of like over throwing another kingdom...get them blindside and hold them there. It has taken extreme efforts in all cases (including racial) to over turn the reign of prejudice society campaigns.
~They (women) are a nuisance that men generally have to contend with- Women have menstrual cycles, they cry..."they need to be rescued". Many movies make this point from both sides. On one side the female is being attacked by a "bad guy" and on the other side she needs rescuing by the "good guy". Either way the story is more complicated because of her. There's more injury/death to the men because of her. She's most often depicted as escaping serious injury because he got it instead.
~ [Women] have fewer choices- Yah, remember those cowboy movies where the woman was doing all her farm work in her long dress, dragging the bottom of it all through the mud?! How much time does it take to get mud and stains out of petticoat lace? With Lye? And no rubber gloves? I know, I'm giving her a pitty-party. But you get the point? It's how we look at things. Don't we ever dissect the matter and evaluate if the way things are are the way they should be or if they ought to be allowed to continue on as they are? What consequences will be incurred are rarely given even a first thought by the perpetrator (perpetuator). Why do women still have dress distinctions that men simply do not have? Sure women enjoy many of these differences but there are some road blocks on certain standards that men set for women. Like...more focus on a female politician goes to what style she is wearing than how skilled she is at her job. If she does shoot some wolves it becomes more of a scandal than an affair by a male politician, not to convict or condone either one.
Little girls are conditioned to go ask their grandparents if they like her new dress or the bow in her hair. That what matters is what other people think. Vanity is her goal in life because how else will she catch that husband? Marriage tradition is taught to male and female children without any regard/respect for the fact that no one knows if they would be well suited parents or whether they (their personality) would be happier and more fulfilled as single persons. How many times have you or someone you know asked a young child "So how many boy/girl friends do you have?" just to see their cute faces blush? It's not intentional. We just aren't taught to question things "too far".
To the contrary, little boys are allowed to wear outfits that advertise their ownership of their power and ability...football jerseys, athletic logos and colors as bright as a nations flag!! Dirty knees and holes in the pants are badges of honor and war paint. All telling of the strength and victory of a young MAN.
In the single parent arena, women often raise the children with little support (all types) from the fathers. When a child is getting fed Mcey- D's and frozen dinners for half a week on his time the courts look at mom like what are you complaining about? Dads don't have parenting skills by nature (then they shouldn't receive 50/50 custody, maybe an afternoon is all he's good for). "A bad dad is better than no dad" (even if he does leave the kid in the truck by himself while he goes into the bar to sell some weed and never gets caught). But the underlying mentality is that he's paying child support so, he (poor daddy, doing what he'd be doing any way with some other woman) should get compensated for it. But at the expense of the child's development??!!! I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT GOOD DADS!!!!! WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! It's the "Male Secret Society" dads we're hashing about.
Oh for the love of our boys!! Mom's, we shouldn't ignore those subtle signs of prejudice that our husbands/boyfriends are seducing our sons away from us with!! And men of ANY conscience at all, if you can hear this with your heart...owning your own power doesn't mean owning someone else's!! NOT EVEN YOUR SON'S!!
So, maybe you thought this whole thing was all about females...
It's about advocating for humans. And without inner beauty and integrity we don't qualify as human, not even as animals who possess a natural affection that many "humans" lack.
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Ok, if I don't post again tomorrow, keep chewing on this 'cause I'm exhausted!!!
